The Great SODA/POP Debate

So I'm commenting on a friend's blog, (Hi, Ginny!) thinking about laughing so hard that milk would come out of my nose (because it's ALWAYS milk, right?) and then I'm thinking, "But I don't really drink much milk...and, as discussed a few entries ago, when I do it's Soy Milk, and it just doesn't sound the same to say "soy milk came out of my nose."

Not that you want ANYTHING to come out of your nose...TANGENT WARNING!

***I've always been an easy vomit, particularly when I was sick as a kid. And I don't just get sick, I get SICK...and when I vomit, it inevitably comes not only up through my mouth, but out of my nose. One particular time, I'd eaten rotini. You know, that pasta that looks like a corkscrew. And then I threw up. And it came out of my nose. I comment specifically on the rotini because, although I've also thrown up spaghetti, which is incredibly disgusting coming out of your nose in one long string, the sheer GIRTH and TWISTINESS of rotini is by far a superior (okay, maybe not SUPERIOR...) experience. NEVER, I repeat, NEVER throw up rotini pasta through your nose! Especially when it is accompanied by orange juice and tomato sauce. It's like you bore a hole a mile wide in your nasal cavaties and then pour acid through it. Trust me, just don't do it. Not that you would.***

But since I don't drink milk, what could I comment would come out of my nose? Well, I wrote soda, but that sparked in my memory a debate I had back in college: Is that bubbly stuff in the can (or, if you're that classy, the bottle) SODA or POP?

If you're from Utah, it's likely you call it Pop. If you're from back east or the northwest, you'll probably call it Soda. If you're from the very northernmost eastern US, it's "coke," no matter what it is.

But as the debate continued, I wondered to myself, "What do I call it?" I leaned more toward soda, admittedly, because asking someone if they want a "pop" implies you might deck them. Try as I might, though, I couldn't really call it soda, because that just didn't sound right, even though those two (limited) options seemed reasonable.

What DO I call it? I realized a couple months later when I was home for Christmas what it is REALLY supposed to be called, and though you may argue, it is neither Soda NOR Pop, and it's most especially NOT "coke" unless you're ordering a coke. It is also NOT that insipid conglomeration of the two popular terms: "soda pop."

For you see, my friends, having a soda pop is SUPPOSED to be called...

Having a Soft Drink. Go to any fast food place in Southern California (which, everyone knows, sets the standard...and before you haraunge me for that, that was totally tongue-in-cheek, people!) and on the menu, where you find the soft drinks listed, they will inevitably be listed under "Soft Drinks."

Therefore, to end the great Soda Pop debate...I proclaim the winning expression to be Soft Drinks. And I seal that proclamation with a very loud, carbonated bubble-induced belch. So there. And the debate is over.