The Common Mommy Denominator

I'm a Mom. I need adult conversation. I need to talk about the banalities and the excitements of life, and be understood by the masses. Most of all, I need feedback. Let's chat. You about yours, me about mine, us about ours. Let's find and discuss the Common Mommy Denominator.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Top 10...Because Everybody Else is Doing it, and I'm That Kind of Girl

Yes, it's true, this is a Mormon Mommy Blog, and according to SSB, that means it's all about Moi. Additionally, no one cares about Moi because Moi is a Mormon Mommy, so feel free to skip it if you like.

Following are the Top 10 Movies that have impacted my life. Enjoy. And if you feel so inclined, blog about yours. I'm interested. :)

1. The Shawshank Redemption: This may very well be one of the greatest films of all time. Not only is it based on a Stephen King story, it has feasibly the most beautiful scene in recorded history: a prison yard full of criminals transformed - even if for only a moment - by the heavenly sound of opera on a loudspeaker. It never fails to lift me, to remind me of the power and resiliency of the human spirit, and to prove that we are all capable of dramatic change...both for the good and the bad.

2. What Dreams May Come: Robin Williams is quite possibly the most versatile actor in Hollywood EVER, and this film is breathtaking. It afforded me the opportunity to reexamine my faith and beliefs, not to mention offered an entirely new way of looking at love. Don't ask me to explain...just watch the movie.
3. (Disney's) Peter Pan: The first Halloween I got to choose my own costume, I picked Peter Pan. I was three. Some days I still believe I can fly.

4. Moll Flanders: We are all one being. And I am Moll. Darn that sense of self! (And we can't forget to mention Morgan Freeman's "Sent ya'd ya like it?" Or Aisling Corcoran's "Well, I's a need to pee in my schedule!" or "How do you know? You're not a dog!" Aaaah.)

5. A Little Princess (1996): Talk about a little optimism changing an outlook! This movie always reminds me of the value of human life, the benefits of imagination, and is one of the single most beautifully-expressed, cinematographically-perfect films ever. I actually wrote a college paper on it. Wow.

6. The Matrix: I started my student teaching at Taylorsville High. When I left halfway through, post-Shakespeare competition, I was given a card (and a beebee gun) signed by all my Shakespeare students with the Matrix quote "You are the One." Of course, the film was a breakthrough for its time and the soundtrack is one to lose yourself in, but all told, they could have stopped at # 1 and it still would've been phenomenal.

7. It's a Wonderful Life: I never watch this movie that I don't cry. From time to time we all lose sight of the value of a soul, and this brings it back to me...every time. I also never watch this movie that something new doesn't jump out and bite me in the butt. "Please, Mr. Gower, please don't hurt my sore ear again!" (I'm near-tears even typing that.)

8. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves: This movie defined - and saved - my teenage existence. Just about every doodled-on paper I own from 13 - 17 has a crossbow, sword, or other Robin Hood-related item on it. It was how I lost myself, and the beginning of losing myself in art. Not that Costner's performance was art, but...when you're 13 and staring at Christian Slater, Costner's accent doesn't matter much.

9. Dangerous Beauty: Veronica and I have the same world view. I can't write poetry, of course, and I only wish I had her wit, but I relate to her in so many ways it's frightening. In great part because she was a courtesan, and I'm a Mormon Mommy. Maybe I should be frightened.

10. Wait Until Dark: Never have I ever wanted to act more than when I watched Audrey Hepburn - one of the most stunning skinny women ever to have lived - stagger blindly through a darkened room to escape Alan Arkin. I screamed. I was so scared I practically threw up. She was brilliant. If it hadn't been for her idiot husband in the final scene, I'd declare it the best suspense thriller ever made. But Audrey was brilliant. I can't decide whether I'd rather look like her or Angelina Jolie. Thankfully (?), I'll never have to choose...because I don't look like either. And thanks, Audrey, for making me aspire to something I knew I would never achieve, because that was what made me ultimately "settle" for teaching, and what ultimately allowed me to "settle" for being a wife and stay-home mom, which (most days) turns out to be my life-long dream.

Good stuff.

Friday, February 19, 2010


Went to Northgate Market today after we dropped Ty at school...and on a whim, I bought a fresh husked coconut.

The idea of drinking out of a coconut with a straw was intriguing, so I thought, "Why not?"

I brought it home, drove a screwdriver through two of the three top holes, and a bit of coconut water spewed out each hole when I got all the way through it.

I then proceeded to drain the coconut (because I realized I had no straws) and tried to hack it into pieces to eat the meat.

I learned a few things about coconuts today:

A) Coconut water is great when you're stranded on a desert island with no fresh water. When you're in Anaheim, however, and you have a Brita to rid your tap water of that metallic sewer taste, coconut water is "eh."

B) Coconuts contain a HECKUVA lot of coconut water!!! Note to self: next time I want to drain a coconut, use a large glass!

C) Coconuts are a huge pain in the butt to hack into when you don't have a machete. A butcher's knife will work - slowly, and if the coconut is resting on the kitchen floor - but you have to hack like crazy, so watch out for your fingers and your linoleum.

D) The white meat-stuff in the middle of a fresh coconut is mildly slimy and doesn't take much like coconut. Let it dry out before you try to eat it. Seriously.

So...I have educated myself on coconuts today and had a 20 minute kitchen adventure, all for only $1.49! I can't say I'd recommend the experience, but heck...if you're curious, at least its a new experience!

Monday, February 15, 2010

I Need to Vent

So skip this if you're not up for it.

Lots of things have been pissing me off lately, and I'm not even still on the hcg diet, so that's saying something. (EVERYTHING was pissing me off then!) And oddly enough, that's part of what has been pissing me off.

After hcg I've been trying to go back to a "normal" diet...which means introducing fats, sugar, and refined flour into my diet. I want to die. I'm in pain, cramped, sluggish, re-fattening, and getting headaches. My body HATES the "traditional" Western diet. We were NOT made to eat #2 feed corn...which happens to be in just about EVERYTHING we consume. I could go into this for the next 3 days because I've read, seen, heard, and now know enough I could write my own book about it, but the bottom line is that we get fat and our bodies give out thanks primarily to inedible #2 (not yummy sweet!) corn. And I'm bitter at our government for it. VERY bitter. But until we have a home, I don't see much of a way around it.

So then there's bitterness # 2: short sales. They take FOREVER. Why? Because of the sheer volume of short sales and foreclosures out there. I realize the economy sucks, and if you're on the verge of foreclosure and its been delayed months and months because the bank just hasn't gotten around to you yet, I'm sure you're feeling blessed. We, however, are feeling cursed. We just want to get our kids into a home. That's all. Have some more room, be in a better, safer area, be able to make new friends at church and in our neighborhood, and maybe grow a garden to feed ourselves quality plants on the cheap(er). Offer on our dream home? Middle of December. Haven't heard anything...middle of February. And we're the only offer, people. Seriously. I blame The Greedy. And I'm bitter.

I'm not just bitter at The Greedy, though...I'm bitter at gays and college students. The whole "support same-sex marriage" bit is all over facebook again, and it makes me cringe. And I also cringe at the people who post and favor and "fan" pro-gay-marriage stuff and then get pissed off if you have the audacity to disagree. Hey, they want to publicly support? Why can't I publicly defend REAL marriage?

Because the bottom line is that gays don't want gay "marriage" - they have civil unions, which legally MUST be line-for-line the same thing - they want those of us against their unnatural behavior to have to validate their choice in sex partners by CALLING them married.

So gays piss me off because they refuse to respect my faith, and college students (not all of you, surely, not to worry) piss me off because they refuse to respect my experience. Lately it seems like so many of the college kids I know - or some of their friends - have been acting as though they are God's intellectual gift to us all. "I took a class about that, so I know more than you." Or "that's the old way of professor has taught me the new way, so here you go!"

People, that's like being the world's best parent...before you have kids. I don't give a good flying fart about what you THINK you know, or what your professor pretends to know. Don't you go being disrespectful of me and my experience just because I mispell something on my blog or use the wrong word on were up all night on a drinking binge, but I've been up all night for the last week with a sick child. Kiss off, college kid.

And finally, kiss off, "Seriously So Blessed." I've heard a lot about you lately, you and your celebrated irony, so I finally read some of your work. And you're a hag.

Not because I think you're real, but because you garner attention and laughter by mocking your average Mormon Mommy Blog. Yes, there are loads of Mormon Mommy Blogs to be had. That's because the only people who have time to chronicle the hiccups in the banality of their lives, plus have a desire to seek out comraderie and a connection with other adults, are the people who stay home with their kids, and in this day and age, that more often that not means a Mormon stay-home Mom. We deserve support and understanding, not your miserable, cruel mockery. And even if it wasn't intended that way, that's how the media understands, and is what has garnered you your fame. And you're proud of that fame and have done nothing to correct their understanding, so I'm fairly certain you intend to make a mockery of us stay-home moms slogging through day by day. That means you're one ugly TAMN, lady (or ladies?).

So my hide has been chapped. And now that I've vented thoroughly (thank you), I'm going to go rub some Desitin on my tushy and clean up some more of my three year-old's vomit. Cheers and good day!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Th-Th-Th-That's All, Folks!

It's official. I'm done.

For now.

With what, you ask?

Well, let me tell you:


Yes, you read that manuscript is finished. All 27 chapters plus a pro-and-an-epi-logue. 626 kilobytes of typing, or 210 typewritten pages, which translates to a 420 page novel!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh. Feelin' good right now.

Of course, now it must be revised. Edited. Torn to shreds and rebuilt to be a thousand times better than it is now.

And for the moment, I have my blinders on, so I need readers to wade through it and tell me where I'm going wrong...or going right, as the case may be.

A caveat: I am NOT cradling this thing to my chest and proclaiming it my baby. Well, okay, I did the moment I was finished...but five minutes later I was over it. It's ready to shred.

So...if you're interested...let me know. I have a book for you to read. It's not hardbound, or even softbound, but it is a digital file capable of being emailed to those eager (translation: skeptical but willing for my sake) readers willing to sacrifice their time, effort, and sanity on my book.

Hey, at least it's more or less grammatically correct. And I don't think I ever use the word "sparkly," so that's a plus. Oh, and I planned the entire thing start to it has a plot. And characters. Some of whom are well-developed.

Still deciding whether it's a young adult or an adult fiction novel, but I'm pretty sure it falls into the "paranormal romance" category. No, it's not Twilight. There are no vampires, it's not a Romeo and Juliet tale, and,'ll just have to read it.

Provided, of course, you have the time and sanity.


ANYWAY...........................I DEEEED EEEET! WOOHOOOOOOO!!!!! (And now the real work begins. Woohoo now being followed by a big sigh.)