Sensitivity

In this particular case, like mother, like son.

I was always a really sensitive kid. Okay, make that kid, tween, teen, and sometimes adult. Hey, I'm a Cancer, that's how I'm supposed to be, right?

Anyway, I was easily embarrassed, squirmed (or just plain shut down) when corrected - particularly by any "authority" outside my family - and sobbed when criticized by peers, and was often possessed of tummy aches and tiredness when found to be doing anything "wrong," even if I didn't know it was wrong.

Enter my sweet son. It was incredibly simple, really, and he's never had a problem at school before, and this wasn't necessarily a problem, either...but it does give me insight into myself.

Yesterday a new toy - a racetrack, to be specific - was introduced at school. He was THRILLED. Apparently that kept his attention for quite some time...even through my arrival. Not that he hadn't heard his name called or been informed that his mom was there; he'd heard and he new, but he was excited and didn't want to stop playing. When one of the teachers approached to kneel next to him and remind him to listen because it was time to go, he brushed past and said he couldn't talk because his mom was there.

In other words, he didn't want to be scolded, not that that would have been a scolding. He knew he'd heard, he knew what he was supposed to be doing, and he didn't want to discuss it.

Another teacher caught him and told him it was important to stop and listen to the teacher no matter what was happening, and he immediately shut down. He wouldn't look at her, speak to her, or give any signs of life, really. When the first teacher approached to talk to him again (I was holding him by this time, and he was dead weight in my arms and on my shoulder), I turned so he had to at least face her and she explained that he is a really good listener, but even if the toy is really fun, he still needs to stop playing when his mom comes, and reminded him the toy would be there tomorrow to play with. No response from him.

On the way to the car I held him (and Miss Magoo summarily biffed on the concrete, so I ended up holding her, too, of course) and talked to him a little. I asked him if his feelings were hurt, and he nodded in my shoulder. I asked him if he had a tummy ache when a teacher had to talk to him about listening, and he nodded again.

Just like his mom, poor kid.

So of course I did all the "we love you" reminding, and the "please listen" requesting, and the "you're not in trouble" reassuring, and a few minutes later he was fine, but the point, at least for me, was that my son and I are more alike than I sometimes realize. That, and I re-learned the lessons I have learned over the past 30 years:

• There's no point being embarrassed.
• It's okay to recognize and own up to your mistakes, and those wise folks trying to help you see those mistakes really mean no harm.
• Shutting down, getting a tummy ache, or needing a nap is a natural response.
• It's the best-behaved kids - and the perfectionists - who have the hardest time with correction.

I just hope it doesn't take Tyler 30 years to pick up on the same things...